There are a lot of reasons why people lose control of themselves, and different ways of being out of control.

If you tend to be overwhelmed by sensory experiences, like certain smells or noises, and you find yourself in a noisy place you can’t escape, or near someone with strong perfume that stays in the air you breathe, this can make it harder to keep control of yourself.

If you are someone who prefers to be alone or with small groups, but you have to spend time in a large crowd or a busy office, the social overload can make it harder to maintain control.

If you need extra time to process auditory input, and people keep asking you questions or telling you what to do, faster than you can think, that can add to the buildup of emotions ready to explode.

And if you really, really want to do something you love, and someone tells you no, you can’t do that, it can be so frustrating.

If several of these things are happening all at once, it can be hard to control your reactions.

Hard, but not impossible.

Unfortunately, sometimes, in that moment, before you know it, you’ve lost control.

What Emotions can Trigger Losing Control?

There are several different feelings that can make it harder to maintain your self-control. It’s okay to have these feelings, but it’s not okay to act out and lose control.

Anger

One of these triggering feelings is anger. When someone is out of control because they are angry, it can be scary for the people nearby. The angry person might swear, shout, scream, stomp their feet, or shake their fists. They might threaten to do things they usually would never really do, like harming someone, or themselves. They may even act on it, hitting, pushing, or kicking other people in their anger. Sometimes they’re not quite aware of how out of control they are, and they may be surprised to learn later that they actually hurt or frightened someone.

Sadness

Being out of control due to extreme sorrow or disappointment can include loud, prolonged crying or screaming. The person seems to be inconsolable – they cannot stop crying even when the people who love them try to comfort them. Sometimes, being out of control with sadness can look exactly like anger. Other people might not realize that you’re not mad at them, you’re just really, really sad.

Fear

Someone who is highly anxious or afraid, who feels like they’re in danger even  when others don’t think the situation is dangerous, can lose control. They may panic, run away, or try to hide. They may even lash out at the people around them. Similar to sadness, it might look like the person is angry rather than afraid, but the out-of-control reaction is rooted in extreme anxiety or fear.

Regardless of whether the outburst is related to anger, sadness, or fear, it is never okay to lose control and lash out.

Knowing what feelings tend to trigger your own extreme reactions and send you out of control is an important first step in learning how to better control your own behavior.

You have the right to feel however you feel.

This is important: You have every right to feel your own emotions, whatever they are. No one should tell you how you should feel about something, or that your emotions aren’t valid. Honor your feelings. At the same time, if you’re unhappy with the way you sometimes react in the grip of strong emotions, you can learn to take control, rather than being at the effect of your feelings. This is something you can do, and there are those who will help you. To learn more, read the full Control series and watch the next video. You can do this, and you deserve to feel the confidence and peace that comes with self-control.