As we continue or discussion about control, and who says you’re out of control, It’s important to also consider out-of-control behavior relative to how old the person is. There’s a big difference between losing control as a child and losing control as an adult. When a two-year-old has a tantrum, they may scream, stomp their feet, or throw things. When an adult does the exact same things, it is a much bigger problem. Consequences change drastically once a person turns 18. It’s never too soon, or too late, to learn to control your behaviors so that you can stay safe and free.
Says Who?
One way you can learn more about your own self-control is to think about where, when, and with whom you have lost control. An important question to ask is, “Says who?” Who says you’re out of control? It might be someone at home, at school, at work, or in the community. Thinking about who says this to you, and in what situations, will help you learn more so that you can take back control of your actions.
People at Home
The people at home who might tell you, “You’re out of control!” are usually parents or guardians, siblings, spouses, housemates, or other family members and close friends. You probably don’t want to listen to what they say about your behavior. That’s understandable. At home, you’re in your comfort zone, and you just want to unmask, let loose, and not censor yourself. Maybe you’ve heard it all a million times, and their words just become background noise, something people say when they’re upset. But, if the people who know you best are telling you that you are out of control, you should listen. They care about you and don’t want you to wind up in big trouble, or losing important relationships, because of your out-of-control actions. Don’t discount those warnings out of hand; pay attention and learn.
People at School
If you’re a student, you might hear, “You’re out of control!” from your teachers or professors, counselors, the dean or principal, even other students or dorm mates. Pay attention when you hear this. It means you need to do the work to reclaim your self-control at school. Failing to do so has unwanted consequences, including suspension or expulsion from school. If you’re in college, they have no legal obligation to educate you. If your actions disrupt classes or campus life, you can lose your place as a student or in a dormitory. If that happens you may have to scramble for new living arrangements and find a way to continue your education elsewhere. It’s to your advantage to control your behavior and actions at school.
People at Work
If you have a job, you really don’t want your boss, supervisor, or co-workers to accuse you of being out of control. Learn what triggers this. You may or may not be given a second chance if you lose control at the workplace. Even if it only happens once, you could end up being fired. Being in command of your own actions will help you succeed in the workplace.
People in the Community
If you lose control when you’re out in the community, it’s serious. You may be banned from your favorite store or restaurant if you lose control there. Someone may even call security or the police if they’re afraid of what you might do. You could feel that you’re only shouting or swearing to let off steam, express your feelings, or self-regulate, but people in the community may not feel safe around you if you do. Calling the police may be their way to protect themselves from you, or from what they’re afraid you might do. Self-control in the community can keep you safe and free.
Consider the Source
Pay attention to who says you’re out of control, where you are when it happens, and what was happening right before you lost control. Are you getting this message from people who care about you and have your best interests at heart? Noticing who, where, and when you feel out of control ill give you important clues to master taking control of your own actions and reactions.
You can do this.
To learn more, read the entire Control series and watch the next video.