Jacob wanted friends.
It’s not that he didn’t have any friends, but there wasn’t anybody he could just hang out with on weekends. How could he make the shift from school friends who ate lunch together, to being part of a group that went to the mall, or the movies, and hung out together on weekends?
Online Friends
He had online friends who shared his interest in the mining-crafting video game. They had great discussions, not just about the game, but about life. He often felt they were more real to him than his friends at school. Still, sometimes he wanted someone to do things with, in person.
School Friends
At school, Jacob ate lunch with the guys from his environment club, but he never got invited to hang out on weekends. He’d hear about their plans to go to the mall on Saturday, and Mondays they’d talk about how much fun they’d had. It hurt his feelings that they never invited him.
Jacob Asks
Finally, Jacob got up the courage to ask one of the guys about it. They had a class together and were both early, so he asked why he never got included in their weekend plans.
“What are you talking about?” his friend asked.
“You guys do fun stuff on the weekends, and I wondered why I’m never invited.”
“Were you waiting for an engraved invitation? We just talk about it, and then we do it. You never show up, so I figured you just didn’t want to hang out with us.”
“But nobody ever said that I was invited.”
“Nobody ever said that I was invited, either. It’s not a formal event. If we talk about hanging out at the mall on Saturday, then you show up at the mall on Saturday. That’s it.”
Jacob was stunned. Was it that easy? “You mean, it would be okay if I show up?”
“Of course. That’s what we all do. Don’t make it weird.”
It worked!
The next weekend, Jacob showed up at the mall the guys had been talking about. They all hung out in the food court for a while, and then caught a movie. No one was surprised to see him or questioned his being part of the group. It felt great to feel accepted, part of it, rather than on the edges. It was so much more fun than sitting at home playing his game. Not that he didn’t play once he got home. He needed to unwind after being social all day. Even though he was tired and “peopled out,” he liked spending a Saturday with friends. Jacob was glad he’d asked.
Jacob’s stories originally appeared in the first edition of Wendela Whitcomb Marsh’s book, Independent Living with Autism: Your Roadmap to Success. (Revised as Independent Living While Autistic: Your Roadmap to Success, Book One of the Adulting While Autistic series.) Jacob is a fictional character, not based on anyone, so any similarities to real people are coincidental.