Prioritize Self-Care for the Holidays

(If you’d rather watch a video instead of reading the article, here’s the link.)

November – almost halfway through the holiday season! Whether you want to cherish each passing moment, or just hibernate until it's all over, the holidays are coming. We can't stop it, but we can prepare, and that means paying attention to your own needs, like your need for predictability, for an escape plan, and for recovery. You deserve to have your needs respected and your boundaries honored.

PREDICTABILITY

You want to know who will be at the Thanksgiving table, and if there will be safe foods for you. Of course you want to know. Being able to predict what might happen is a safety concern for you. It's okay to ask. If you realize you cannot possibly sit at the Thanksgiving table when your no-filter, racist great-aunt will be there, it's okay to respectfully decline. You don't need to give a reason. If you just found out about the guest list, don't immediately say you're not coming, or they'll think it's because of the other guests. Even if that's true, there will be less conflict and your life will be easier if they don't realize that, and there's no reason for them to. It's not like your racist great-aunt is going to suddenly develop a filter and not say things that offend you.

After you find out who will be there, you can send your regrets by email so you don't have to manage a stressful phone call. All that is required to turn down an invitation is 1.) express appreciation at being invited, and 2) say that you are unable to be there. You don't have to tell them why. If they email back asking, you cn respond to other parts of their email and ignore the part where they asked you why you're not coming. If you have to talk to them about it, just keep repeating variations on the theme, "It was so kind of you to invite me. I'm sorry I can't make it." if it's a friend, or if it's a family member, something along the lines of, "It sounds like a lovely dinner. Unfortunately, I can't make it, but I will think of you." If it's close to the date, and they won't stop asking for a reason why, you could say, "I'm under the weather, and I don't want anyone at the party to get sick." I know, you are an honest person and you won't lie. Technically, the weather exists in the sky which we are all under, and I'm sure it is true that you don't want people to get sick, so you wouldn't be lying if you resorted to this statement. The important thing is, it is your right to say No to invitations that would be too stressful or exhausting and put your health at risk. You deserve the holiday that suits you, even if that means staying home and watching Holiday Inn again.

Escape

Predictability is important, but no matter how well prepared you are, there may still be conditions, either social or sensory, that become too much. When you can’t cope, it’s time to escape. Be ready by checking out the environment when you first arrive. If it’s a private home, is there a guest room or study that will be empty during the party? Ask the host if you may retreat there to have some time alone to regroup. If it’s at a public venue, take note of where the restrooms and exits are. You may be able to head to a lobby or foyer and find some privacy, or you may need to retreat to the restroom, or outside if the weather permits. Knowing in advance where you can go to self-regulate if you’re overwhelmed can reduce your stress. Sometimes just having an escape plan in your pocket may allow you to stay a little longer if you’re enjoying the company.

Recovery

After the event is over and you can finally go home and retreat to your comfort place, that’s not the end. Depending on how stressful the celebration was, you may need hours or days of recovery time before you’re ready to go out in the world again. This is not a luxury. This is not optional. You require a certain amount of time to recover from intense social events like holiday celebrations. Schedule it out on your calendar and honor that time.

I hope you have a holiday season that works for you. By looking out for predictability, having an escape plan, and scheduling recovery time, you should find  the right balance that works for you. You deserve it.